Marriage

The wedding ceremony at which two people publicly pledge their lives to each other, marks the start of a marriage. This sacrament or covenant between the couple is made before God and in God's house.

Listed below are the various aspects relating to getting married and the planning necessary.

If there are any points not answered by these sections, please contact Mr Gray

Legal Aspects

Because a wedding service is a legal ceremony, there are a number of requirements which must be met. The law gives the right to any person, irrespective of nationality, living within the parish to be married in the parish church, even if either or both are of another religion. The church must still be made available to them by the rector or priest, even if he/she is not conducting the service. Neither of the persons to be married, needs to be baptised.

A legal marriage in England must be solemnised by an authorised person. This means a registrar of any Registry Office, an ordained minister of the Church of England or a minister of other religious denominations who have been legally authorised to register marriages.

In the UK weddings may only take place between a couple where one partner was born male and one partner was born female. Both partners must be over the age of 16. In England or Wales, if either is under 18 a parent or legal guardian must give written permission for the marriage to go ahead. If however, someone under 18 has been married and is now divorced or widowed, this consent is not needed.

Certain members of families may not marry. These couplings are set-out in the Marriage Act of 1986. Many of these prohibited relationships will be obvious (you may not marry one of your brothers or sisters for example) and others are rare, but similarly obvious (you may not marry, for example, a former wife or husband’s parent). Marriages between first cousins were previously prohibited, but they may now marry each other. Should you be in any doubt, clergy or registrars can advise on any marriages that are prohibited by law.

Weddings may take place only between the hours of 8am and 6pm, except in particular circumstances such as where one or both of the partners are house bound.

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Second Marriages

No one who is already married to a living spouse may marry someone else. If a person does go through a second marriage ceremony in such circumstances, the second marriage is invalid and the person is committing the crime of bigamy. Widows or widowers may, of course, re-marry, either in a civil or in a religious ceremony.

There is no limit on the number of times a person may marry, but they must be legally free to do so, i.e. their previous marriage must have been dissolved and a decree absolute granted. Some clergy are willing to re-marry divorcees in Church, and at the time of writing, this applies to St. Thomas' Church in Moorside. However, others feel unable to perform a second wedding.

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Reading of Banns

This involves notice of the forthcoming wedding being read out in both the bride and the groom’s parish churches on three consecutive Sundays in the period three months before the wedding. When you visit the priest of the parish in which you live she will arrange for the banns to be “called” (to use its technical term). If you both live in the same parish that is all that you need to do but if one of you lives in another parish banns will have to be called there too. Visit the priest here also to arrange for this to be done. When this has been completed the vicar will give you a banns certificate, to give the priest who will be marrying you.

When you make arrangements for the banns to be called in both the bride and the groom’s parishes you will need the same information. This is your full names, dates of birth, addresses from which you will be getting married, your occupations and your fathers’ names. If you hope to get married in a church with a special attachment to you or your family (for instance, where you grew-up or where your parents now live), you will need to use an address within that parish from which to get married.

As well as this residential way of the banns being called, you may also have your banns called in a parish church where you regularly worship, but in whose parish you do not live. Either way it is customary for couples to attend the calling of their banns. This will take place during the main act of worship on Sundays. Attendance will help you feel more comfortable with the church surroundings and this will have obvious benefits in terms of your nervousness on the big day.

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Wedding Planner Checklist

Organising a wedding can be a fraught and stressful business. Alternatively, it can be an enjoyable and confident time. In order that the latter is the case for you, here is a countdown checklist of what needs to be done in the months before your wedding. It may not cover every eventuality but it certainly covers most that need to be planned, the timing may not be appropriate for every couple. It should also be noted that some venues for receptions may need to be booked up to two years in advance. Given this time span, some thought to insurance would be prudent.

12-6 months

  • Announce your forthcoming marriage to family and friends (you may also like to announce this in the newspapers).
  • Select an engagement ring (if the future bride desires one)
  • Decide on the venue, day and time for the wedding. Remember that churches often have more than one wedding on some days and it might not be possible to have the day and time you desire. Visit the priest and ask if it would be possible to have a certain day and time, rather than making plans which cannot be easily changed.
  • Arrange to meet with both sets of parents to decide who will be financially responsible for which parts of the wedding budget. To help you to do this, get some estimates of costs for the church, flowers, cars, clothes hire, reception etc.
  • Decide whom you want as best man, bridesmaids and ushers. Ask them if they are will to perform these tasks. You may like to ask others to take part in the service by leading the prayers or doing a reading. Decide too what all these people will wear on the wedding day.
  • Decide the number of guests to be invited to the wedding (remember that it is often sensible to consult your parents in this).
  • Book a venue for the reception and decide what sort of catering you would like (buffet, sit-down meal etc).
  • Start to make a wedding present list.
  • Book holiday time at work for your honeymoon.

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Six Months

  • Book the cars which will be used to transport the bride and bridesmaids to the church and the couple from the church.
  • Book any music that will be played at the reception (band, disco etc).
  • Book a photographer and a video firm if desired.
  • Book an hotel for the wedding night.
  • Buy or make arrangements to have made or hire dresses for the bride and bridesmaids.

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Four months

  • Visit the priest at the church where you will be getting married to arrange when the banns will be called. Discuss with him/her the music and order of service as well as the day and time for the wedding rehearsal.
    Discuss also whether you want bells, a choir or flowers at the church. If applicable, also visit the priest of the other parish to arrange for the banns to be called there too.
  • Visit the florist and discuss colours and types of flowers. This may include flowers for bride and bridesmaids, buttonholes for groom, best man, ushers and guests, as well as flowers for the church and reception.
  • Send out wedding invitations.

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Three Months

  • Take out travel insurance for the honeymoon and consider general insurance for the wedding (reception disasters etc.). Ensure that you both have passports that will be valid at the time of the honeymoon.
    Remember that airline tickets must be booked in the names that will be on your passports when you leave to go on honeymoon.
  • Decide if you want service papers printed for the church. If so, order these, but remember to ask the priest to look at a copy before printing, to minimise any mistakes.
  • Arrange to hire suits for the grooms, best man, ushers and the fathers of the bride and groom.
  • Shop for going-away outfits for bride and groom.
  • Start to make a wedding cake or order it.

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One Month

  • Buy wedding rings.
  • Check arrangements with florists and car hire firm. Check too the catering arrangements at the reception and advise on final number of guests.
  • Meet the photographer and discuss with her/him the types of photos to be taken.
  • Visit the doctor and arrange any injections that may be necessary for foreign travel.
  • Obtain any foreign currency needed for the honeymoon.
  • Buy any new clothes that will be needed for the honeymoon.
  • Buy presents to give on the wedding day to best man, bridesmaids, ushers and any others taking part in the service. You may also like to give flowers to the mothers of the bride and groom at the reception – order these.
  • Book hair appointments for bride and groom for a day shortly before the wedding (or even the day itself).

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One Week

Ensure that you have adequate amounts of cash to pay people who may need payment at the wedding (if requested, this might include fees for the priest, as well as payment for cars, florist or photographers)


"Marriages" was written by the Revd Giles Legood, co-author of 'The Church Wedding Handbook' (SPCK 2000). To order a copy go to the Church of England Bookshop

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